O7 Command's list for Dr Bright!
by FenrirOfTheSith
Summary: Hello this is Director Allister Harroway, Third Officer of the SCP O7 Council. It has recently come to our attention that Dr. Bright is still causing a ruckus at the various Sites he is stationed at. Despite there already being a list of things he isn't allowed to do, Dr. Bright still acts out and finds "loopholes" in the rules. Therefore with the blessing of the Ethics Committee


**Hello this is Director Allister Harroway, Third Officer of the SCP O7 Council.**

**It has recently come to our attention that Dr. Bright is still causing a ruckus at the various Sites he is stationed at. Despite there already being a list of things he isn't allowed to do, Dr. Bright still acts out and finds "loopholes" in the rules. Therefore with the blessing of the Ethics Committee the other O7s and I have come up with our own list. Along with the O5 list, here is the O7 list. Also if you are reading this Dr. Bright, we will warn you the O7 command isn't as kind as the O5, so don't push us.**

After the Deep Blue incident of 1996, Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-1875 to challenge computers to a game of chess.

Especially SCP-079!

Suggesting that giving SCP-096 a makeover will render it non-hostile is a bad idea.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to show his collection of hentai porn to SCP-239 any reality bending SCP.

Not allowed to tease SCP-2558-J with cucumbers.

Or pickles.

Introducing SCP-735 to SCP-682 is a HORRIBLE idea!

Dr. Bright is not allowed to put SCP-426 in the staff cafeteria! Especially not after the buttered toast incident.

Not allowed to tell researchers that yelling "Look out it's Kevin Spacey!" in SCP-899 will neutralize its effect.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to "cut the cheese".

Or his finger.

In fact, let's just make it that Dr. Bright isn't allowed to "cut" anything.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to make contact with SCP-166. Even if he possesses a woman.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!

Just because you should doesn't mean you can!

SCP-3935 is not Silent Hill!

Or Twin Peaks.

Dr. Bright is forbidden from using SCP-963 on any humanoid SCP.

The SCP Foundation does not have a single leader.

Even if we did Dr. Bright would not be the leader.

Dr. Bright is not the "God Emperor of Mankind".

Dr. Bright is not allowed to enter SCP-082 into food eating competitions. Again.

Threatening Marshall, Carter, and Dark LTD to "leave a bad review on yelp" is pointless.

Is not allowed to send erectile dysfunction spam ads to the church of Sarkicism.

Forcing SCP-073 and SCP-076 to be together on an episode of Dr. Phil is a very very bad idea. Though yes it would be entertaining to see.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-3108 during Site 19's yearly Nerf Gun contest.

Or SCP-865.

Or SCP-050-AE-J

Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to attend the foundation's Nerf gun contests.

SCP-008 is not any of the following:

The T-virus

The Green Flu

Mutant Cordyceps

The FEV

The Harran Virus

245 Trioxin

"That Wasp from Dead Rising"

Justin Bieber. Wait what?

Bath salts

Headcrabs.

No matter how many teenage Texans he possesses, Dr. Bright is not Butthead.

Or Beavis

Nor is he the Great Cornholio. (and he doesn't need "teepee for his bunghole")

There is no "Take Your Son/Nephew to Work" day at the Foundation. Thus Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring young children to Site 19.

Especially if the kid isn't related to him! (seriously where'd he get that kid anyway?)

Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-963 to recreate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We are still getting angry letters from the Vatican for the "Easter Incident".

Julian Assange is not the founder of the Serpent's Hand. We've investigated him plenty of times to confirm this.

No Wikileaks is not a front for Serpent's Hand either.

Throwing a party for children with SCP-956 as the centerpiece is just downright cruel!

Dr. Bright is not allowed to upload SCP-1004 to Pornhub. Again.

Or Redtube

Or Youporn

Or Xhamster

Especially not Derpibooru!

Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-445. That copy of SCP-682 was a pain in the ass to neutralize despite it being made of paper.

Jehovah's Witnesses are not automatically qualified to be D-Class personnel. Though yes they are annoying.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to give Dr. Wondertainment products as Secret Santa presents.

Singing the song "Great Balls of Fire" into the PA system is not the correct way to alert the Site that SCP-457 has breached containment.

Neither is "Ring of Fire"

Dr. Bright is not allowed to bring SCP-060 to Halloween parties.

Actually let's just say he's not allowed to bring any SCPs to a halloween party.

We have warned him multiple times and we will reinforce it again. If Dr. Bright is caught using SCP-420J while on the job he is to be locked in a drunk tank and sprayed with vinegar laced water.

If Dr. Bright attempts to possess any member of the O7 command, we will personally throw SCP-963 into SCP-914 and set it to "Coarse"!

Challenge Accepted! This is not a challenge Bright!

Is no longer allowed to force Dr. Cool to wear stupid hats as dares.

Especially hats that personally belong to Bright.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to put any of the following substances into Dr. Cool's mask:

Nitrous Oxide

LSD

Nicotine vape

Ecstasy

Candy spray

Sex pheromones

In fact, let's just keep Dr. Bright away from Dr. Cool.

Dr. Bright is not allowed to wear SCP-1545.

In fact, he's no longer allowed near it.

Don't ask why!

Dr. Bright is not allowed into the women's restroom even if he is possessing a woman's body.

No the "I'm transexual!" defense isn't an excuse.

Dr. Bright may not use SCP-1296 to prank call individuals he hates.

Especially Foundation staff! (what are we gonna do with all these llamas?)

The solution to a containment breach isn't to "shoot it with an atomic gamma gun!"

Dr. Bright is not allowed to show SCP-239 episodes of The Angry Video Game Nerd. Mobile Task Force Nine Tailed Fox as been dispatched to contain the "Super Mecha Death Christ 2000".

Dr. Bright is absolutely forbidden from [DATA REDACTED] SCP-042 while screaming "Look at me daddy I'm a farmer!"

When working with the GOC, you must remember GOC stands for "Global Occult Coalition" and not any of the following:

"Global Order of Cunts"

"Global Occult Cock-suckers"

"Gonorrhea Or Chlamydia"

"America! Fuck Yeah!"

"If all else fails, bomb it to smithereens!"

"Griffins Of Canterlot"

"Look at me I'm the governor!"

"Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down!"

"Hey guess what I found in my underwear!"

"Impregnate all the whores!"

"General Obstetrics Clinic"

"Gamers On Crack"

"I'm just poopin"

"Spank me harder daddy!"

"Generals On Corporals"

"Look what I made the president do!"

"Wanna read my SCP fanfics?"

"Gears on Condraki" (that's spelled wrong idiot!)

"I wonder if Dolly Parton's pussy is as big as her tits?"

"I love me some taters!"

"If all else fails, put it in a woodchipper!"

Dr. Bright is not allowed to stream recordings of SCP-701 on .

Dr. Bright is no longer allowed access to SCP-914. Rights does not need anomalous "devices" to "spice things up".

Dr. Bright is not Slender Man! Not even if he photoshops pictures of himself in a suit in Foundation group photos.

While he does own SCP-963 and various other objects Dr. Bright does not possess any of the following:

The Philosopher's Stone.

The Sorcerer's Stone.

An autographed picture of Michael Jackson.

The still beating heart of an unladen virgin.

The Staff of Rah.

Donald Trump's toupee.

A tub of McDonald's szechuan sauce.

A magic finger.

A "can of whoop ass!".

The Ark of the Covenant.

Prince Charles's dignity (as he never had one to begin with so that is impossible to own).

A harem of horny furry ladies (what the hell man!).

The Krabby Patty secret formula.

The sword from the Atari Swordquest competition.

Walt Disney's head.

Dr. Celf's soul. I don't know how the hell you did it but give it back right now!

A Nazi UFO.

The real Paul McCartney.

All the tea in China.

A dildo shaped like SCP-682's [REDACTED]

Chuck Norris is not an SCP and Dr. Bright is not allowed to pit him against SCP-076, SCP-682 ,any SCP.

SCP-682 labels Chuck Norris as the "Hard to Kill Human". What did I just say!?

Is not allowed to draw a smiley face on a piece of wood and call it "Plank".

Especially if he gets the wood from SCP-437.

Dr. Bright should not and I repeat NOT introduce SCP-239 to Chris Chan.

God have mercy on us if such an event happens!

Dr. Bright is not allowed to use a scary mask to scare Dr. Kain.

And he is not allowed to call Kain a "stupid dog!".

Soldiers of any Mobile Task Force groups are not to be referred to as "Stormtroopers"!

Or "Space Marines"

Dr. Bright is not allowed to use any reality bending SCPs to recreate episode of The Loud House.

Or fanfics!

Except that one time where Luna defeated the Scarlet King in a fiddle contest. And yes it was awesome.

SCP-174 is not to be referred to as any of the following:

Chucky.

Mr. Coconuts.

Colonel Crackers.

Scarface.

Slappy.

George.

SCP-963 is not the "mystical amulet of Hogswineboar".

If he is involved in kitchen duty, he is not to great personnel with the phrase "Hello Children!"

Not even if he possesses an African American male.

As of this moment Dr. Bright is forbidden from enter other Foundation personnel's dreams. We get enough of you during the day Bright!

Is no longer allowed to shout "SCP-217 has broken containment!" and then put a crude robot made of cardboard in the hallway!

Is not allowed to use SCP-1678 to recreate Bioshock.

Dr. Bright is no longer allowed to request "Orphan Tears" from SCP-294.


End file.
